The Scorpion and the Frog (‘Socially Distant Fairy Tales’ version)
A frog was minding his own business by a riverbank when a scorpion approached him with a proposition:
“I can’t swim, so how would you like to carry me across the river?”
That didn’t actually qualify as a proposition because the scorpion wasn’t offering anything in return. But the frog was a big-hearted amphibian who considered the request nonetheless.
“OK…but wait a minute,” the frog said. “You’re a predatory arachnid with poisonous venom. How do I know you won’t sting me?”
“Because if I did that,” the scorpion replied, “we would both drown.”
“Good point,” the frog said, “though you could wait till we reached the other side and then sting me.”
The scorpion thought this was an intriguing suggestion and tucked it into his imaginary back pocket. “But then I couldn’t ask you for a return trip once I tire of that side,” he told the frog. “Besides, that wouldn’t be a sporting way to thank you for such a gracious favor.”
The frog appreciated this sentiment and decided he needed the exercise anyway.
“Climb aboard!” the frog said, and the two made their way into the river.
Halfway across, the scorpion dug his stinger into the frog’s neck.
“Damnit!” the frog exclaimed. “Why’d you do that?”
“I couldn’t help it,” the scorpion replied. “It’s in my nature.”
“Wow, you’re really an a — ” The paralyzed frog couldn’t finish the sentence and glug-glugged into the water.
The scorpion considered that perhaps he should have waited till the frog was closer to shore, but he was a creature who did what he felt like doing at any given moment, and things had worked out OK for him so far.
As luck would have it, a canoe carrying a small girl and an old man approached.
“Look, grandpa!” the girl exclaimed. “He needs our help!”
Before the old man could warn her off, the girl scooped up the scorpion with her paddle and plopped him onto the canoe floor. The scorpion promptly stung the girl and her grandfather in turn.
“Why did you do that?” the girl asked, tears welling in her eyes.
“It’s in my nature,” the scorpion replied and sat in the duff as the two succumbed to convulsions.
The canoe floated along the river until it hit a set of rapids and capsized, sending the scorpion flying onto a tennis ball that had just been thrown into the water. An adorable beagle puppy approached to fetch it, and she saw the scorpion clinging to its bright yellow fuzz.
“How about a ride to shore, young lass?” the scorpion asked.
“Sure thing,” the floppy-eared puppy responded and took the tennis ball in her mouth, allowing the scorpion to climb atop her head.
The scorpion immediately sunk his stinger into her.
“Why?” the puppy asked.
“It’s in my nature,” the scorpion said.
The young man who’d thrown the ball screamed in anguish as the puppy disappeared below the surface. He dove into the river and swam toward the scorpion, who grabbed his shirt, scrambled onto his back and stung him.
As the man sank, another frog arrived in the nick of time and asked the scorpion, “Need a lift?”
“Thanks!” the scorpion responded and this time waited till they reached the shoreline before stinging him.
“Oh, come on!” the frog cried.
“It’s in my nature,” the scorpion said and clambered onto the riverbank. There he was met by a posse of frogs who’d witnessed his arrival.
“What’d you do to Hermie?” one asked.
“He was a loser,” the scorpion returned. “I prefer frogs that don’t get stung.”
The frogs looked angry and poised to attack when one stepped forward and announced, “He’s right! We haven’t gotten stung! So we should leave him alone.”
“Thank you,” the scorpion told this frog, then stung him.
“But I stuck up for you!” the frog cried.
“That’s how I roll,” the scorpion replied.
Just then a beautiful princess emerged from the woods, stepped up to the shore and scooped Hermie’s body into her palm.
“Poor darling,” she said and planted a kiss on the frog’s lips. With an impressive puff of smoke, Hermie transformed into a handsome prince.
“You’ve saved me!” he declared and leaned in to kiss her before pausing to take care of some unfinished business. He lifted his foot and stomped on the scorpion.
The frogs cheered because they preferred scorpions that hadn’t gotten squashed. But before Prince Hermie could resume his kiss, he collapsed onto the sand and made frightful gargling noises. He probably should have put on footwear before stepping on a venomous arachnid.
As it was, the scorpion hadn’t been squashed so much as smushed into the sand. Realizing that he had survived yet another close call, he stung the princess on the toe and asked the sweetest-looking of the frogs if he could hitch a ride back to the other riverbank.
“How do I know you won’t sting me?” the frog asked.
“Because if I did that,” the scorpion replied, “we would both drown.”
The frog carefully considered these words. It was not in her nature to think another creature would blatantly lie and take action to destroy them both.
“OK then!” she said. “Climb aboard!”
The End
